Bellies & Babies

Yesterday I came across a 2011 article from Today: Parenting on real moms’ bodies and it made me want to write this post for other moms, and people in general, about this issue of unrealistic bodies post pregnancy. The article starts off with the following few sentences:

“Bonnie Crowder’s moment of truth came as she sat in a café in Anaheim, Calif. Like many moms, she didn't like her body: Despite efforts to lose the baby weight, her stomach still looked fat and unattractive to her eyes. Then a fit-looking mom walked by, and as she hoisted up the infant carrier in her arms, her shirt hiked up to reveal a glimpse of flabby tummy – the same post-baby belly that Crowder had thought was her secret shame. “I thought, maybe this isn’t my fault,” Crowder says. “Maybe this is normal.” Then Crowder had a third thought, one that would change her life and change the attitudes of thousands of women: “I thought, more people need to see this.”

That’s the same way I felt after reading this article, not only that more people need to see this but that more moms should be open and honest with their first-time pregnant friends (their close ones anyway) about what really happens to their bodies, and their lives for that matter, post pregnancy. Of course everyone’s experience will be different but there tends to be many shared occurrences and some great conversations can be had.

I recently had a similar conversation with a close friend of mine and I found myself saying “I’d show you mine but I don’t want to scare you.” Looking back on it I wish I would have said “I’ll show you mine when/if you’re ready to see what a “real" post pregnancy body looks like.

I’m a mom. I have the stretch-marks and emergency c-section scar, to boot

That’s not to say that I don’t have body hang-ups like many people do after having kids or that you won’t find a few pairs of spanx in my dresser drawer along with a minimizer bra or two. Like many, I get sucked in when I see magazine covers of celebrity moms talking about how they lost their pregnancy weight in a short amount of time and now they want to show off their flat and stretch-mark free bellies in a two piece. I have to remind myself that they’re airbrushed, WELL!! and that for some of these women if they don’t look a certain way they’re out of a job, so of course they’re hitting the gym and dieting like crazy as soon as their doctor gives them the OK.

What I've found is that many people are very comfortable showing off their bellies when there’s a baby cooking away inside of them, no matter how big they are (hence my pictures), but after that…not so much. I do find myself wondering what my fellow mom friends have hiding under their shirts but I've never dared to ask. Part of me feels that asking would be inappropriate, though I’m pretty sure I've already had some risqué encounters with a few of them :) , another part of me knows that it’s just not something on the top of peoples “things to share” list.

After I had my first son I joined a new moms support group and what shocked me was that many of the women didn't have complaints about their babies not sleeping well or concerns about feeding, their issues were that they weren't happy with how their bodies looked after having a baby. Some of these women’s babies were only 5 or 6 weeks old. They were depressed about still looking pregnant, having stretch-marks, jigglie bellies, c-section scars and had an overall sense of “no one told me it would/could be like this”.

How is it that though many of us know what a woman’s body can look like after having a baby, we have still allowed main stream media to convince us that the post pregnancy body is not attractive, something to get rid of or worse, something to be ashamed of. Why is it that we’ll give advice (sometimes unsolicited) on how to deal with pregnancy symptoms or how to parent but we tend not to talk about how bodies change once you have a baby? Guys, I’m talking to you too because I’m sure it’s not just the women who have fallen prey to these unrealistic post pregnancy body ideals.

My closing thoughts. If you are a first-time pregnant woman, try to have a realistic idea of what your body could look like after your pregnancy. If you’re a friend who doesn't mind talking about your post pregnancy body drama, do so; it may help a new mom cope. If you’re the partner of a new mom, be realistic, be supportive and keep her away from the magazine racks.

Thanks for stopping by,

Niki
 (If you'd like to read more about me visit my post on A Bit About Me).

Connected Posts:
Bellies and Babies Pt 2
Bellies and Babies Pt 3